


Maybe.

by tetsuroulette



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:42:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25064071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tetsuroulette/pseuds/tetsuroulette
Summary: Oikawa Tooru's life has always been a continuous string of 'maybe's.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	Maybe.

Oikawa's life has always been a tedious series of hardships. He doesn't know why, but it was like he was inside this little cage and he could not do things he'd want to do. He, in all honesty, has never tasted freedom.

Sometimes he wished he woke up to... a different life.

Oikawa keeps his schedule free on Mondays... but for feeding the monster that lives inside him. If he keeps ignoring all the bad thoughts inside his head, he would surely go mad. On days other than Mondays, he would be feeding the monsters called humans with his usual "perfect" self.

Oikawa depends on Iwa-chan more than anyone could imagine. Just looking at Iwaizumi seems to work magic on his otherwise uncontrollable train of thoughts. He never realized it when his appreciation turned into something much more... intense. Until it was too late.

It's their 3rd year now. Soon, they're going to graduate. Iwaizumi might decide to approach a life which... doesn't have Oikawa. Maybe it's time for Oikawa to address his biggest fear. Is this his train of thoughts going at full speed? Maybe. Does he want someone to stop him from thinking? Maybe.

_Everything in his life has become a maybe._

Except for Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi was that one cloud that never seemed to rain on him. Iwaizumi was... his everything. The only light that brightened his damp and dark mind was Iwaizumi. Whenever Oikawa looked at him with adoration, it was not a fake act; it was much more real than reality itself could ever be.

But why is he thinking of Iwaizumi now? Does that make any difference now? Oikawa already emptied the container of paracetamols he bought a few days ago into his empty stomach. His train of thought might as well go wherever the hell it wants. This is the last time it gets to run, anyways.

Will Iwaizumi be sad that Oikawa decided to... go down this path? Will Iwaizumi miss his presence in his daily life? Will Iwaizumi miss... his existence?

All these questions had one single answer: maybe. Everything in his life has always been a maybe. Even in this last hour, it's still full of the word 'maybe'.

The phone rang, and Oikawa took more than three seconds to pick up Iwaizumi's call. This was the first time where Oikawa was... scared to take his call. He made sure that he spent the day with Iwa-chan so that... no calls are needed later on.

Oikawa couldn't speak. He was suddenly scared. It was the same feeling when he was about to see the results of his year finals, but a thousand time more intense. His heart started to become heavier and heavier with each passing millisecond and it was getting hard to breathe.

"I don't know what's gotten into you, Shittykawa. I know you've had your bad days and bad weeks, but I've never seen you be like this for such a long time. I thought you were going to be honest with me today, but all you did was skip out on practice and walk around the neighbourhood park."

"I've been sick worried about you for the past few days, Shittykawa. I've noticed what you've been carrying around with you. You're not the type to take meds when you have a headache, so I... took the liberty to assume that you were planning to use them differently."

"Y-you do know that I appreciate you and your antics, right? Talk to me, Oikawa. Just... say anything. Make a noise. I feel like- like- I'm talking to no one..." and just like that, Iwaizumi's voice broke down. When was the last time Iwa-chan called Oikawa by his proper name?

"I... I tried so hard to... to- Oikawa... please say something... I went so far as to replace the paracetamols in that container with cheap, tasteless mints... this can't be happening... Oikawa please just say anything, call me Iwa-chan just once..."

Wait.

Did Iwaizumi say he replaced the pills with... mints? Did Oikawa just not notice the faint taste in his mouth this whole time? Was it because he was too busy thinking about... Iwaizumi? Maybe. It's always 'maybe'. His life is... _still a maybe_.

Oikawa's vocal cords finally started to work, and they allowed him to say "Iwa-chan, I'm still here..." and then the wall he spent weeks to build suddenly crashed down and all the tears and pain just flooded out.

"OIKAWA OPEN THE DAMNED FRONT DOOR. NOW."

Oikawa's legs ran out the front door on their own and his arms settled perfectly around Iwaizumi's quivering body. There were a billion curse words standing right on the tip of Iwaizumi's tongue, but he simply couldn't talk.

"I love you, Oikawa. Don't you ever dare to make me go through this ever again. Don't. You. Dare." Iwaizumi's voice was still not back, but Oikawa could hear his faint voice loud and clear amidst his own deafening cries.

"I love you too, Iwa-chan."

And that is how, once again, Iwaizumi saved Oikawa.

Oikawa and Iwaizumi stayed out in the cold, hugging each other. For a very long time.

Was Oikawa glad about Iwaizumi saving him? This time, the answer was not a 'maybe'; it was a 'yes'.

Oikawa is finally outside the realm of 'maybe'; _all because of Iwaizumi_.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this! It was my first long AU. This particular writing is really special for me, because I put a part of my past self in Oikawa and a part of my present self in Iwaizumi.
> 
> Whatever happens, always remember that there are people who appreciate you and your existence. Feel free to reach out and talk.
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter @/tetsuroulette!


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